As a single mom by choice, it’s almost guaranteed you’ll also have to be a working parent. Someone has to pay the bills, right? Balancing a career, motherhood, and running a household is a tall order, but it can be done with some extra planning and diligence.
I’m now halfway through my daughter’s second year, and I finally feel I have a good grasp on being a working solo parent. Here are some things that have made it easier for me to navigate.
Stick to a Routine (as Much as You Can)
I used to find it difficult to stick to a routine, but now it’s the opposite. My daughter knows what to expect, and that makes her feel safe and happy. For me, it means less scrambling and more confidence that I’m balancing work and parenting effectively.
Of course, there are days when things don’t go as planned—life with a toddler is unpredictable! But having a routine means having a solid foundation to return to, even after a disrupted day. It’s all about creating a rhythm that works for your family and sticking to it as much as possible. Trust me, it makes a world of difference!
Be Realistic with Your Expectations
I have a running to-do list for my personal life, and I revisit it each morning and reorganize it based on what is actually achievable that day. Some days, I don’t get everything done, and that’s okay. As a high-achieving first-born daughter (and Virgo), this was hard for me to grasp initially. I was used to a life where I could regularly check everything off my list, and that’s not always the case when you are a SMBC. A key shift for me in navigating working solo momhood was the mindset that it’s okay to leave things lingering on a to-do list. It’s more important to find time to fill your cup at the end of the day – the list will always be there, and you have to find a way to be okay with that.
Set Boundaries and Stick to Them
I’ve found it essential to set clear work hours and communicate these boundaries to my employer, colleagues, and family. When I’m working, I focus on work; when I’m with my daughter, I give her my full attention. This was another lesson I had to learn when trying to adjust back to work after having a child. I found myself checking Slack or email in the morning when I should have been giving her my attention, and it ultimately led to more stress because I wasn’t actually present in any place when I should have been. Setting clear boundaries (and sticking to them) helps me maintain balance and reduce stress.
Select a Childcare Center you Can Trust:
Before I became a mom, I dreamed of having a nanny at home so I could see my daughter throughout the day. However, I now know this childcare option wouldn’t work for me because I wouldn’t be able to give her the attention she would desire, and I would also be distracted. This would lead to a constant feeling of failure. But that’s just me, and what may work best for me won’t necessarily work for you. I recommend seriously reflecting on your job demands (whether you work from home, how many meetings you have, etc.) to determine what childcare option works best for your lifestyle. Although I would love to see my daughter more – mom guilt is real – I trust she is in good hands at her daycare and it allows me to concentrate on getting work done so I can be present with her when she is home.
Have a Solid Backup Plan for Sick Days
I feel like people talked about how often kids are sick, but it’s one of those things that, until you’ve lived it, you really can’t fully comprehend it. My daughter was practically home sick every other week during her first winter at daycare. When you have a husband or a partner, this can be easier to manage (or at least take turns). Make sure you think about your backup plan for this – whether you will have to take a sick day or have someone you can call on to help in a pinch. I’m truly grateful my mom lives nearby and can relieve me when needed. Not everyone is that fortunate, so it’s important to have a solid action plan so you are not stressed when this time inevitably comes.
Be Kind to Yourself
Remember, you are doing your best, and it’s okay to have challenging days. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small, and forgive yourself for any mistakes. Self-compassion goes a long way in maintaining a positive mindset and reducing stress.
Balancing work and parenting as a single mom by choice is undoubtedly demanding, but it is achievable with the right strategies and support. Becoming a single mom by choice has been the most rewarding journey of my life, well worth any adjusments I’ve had to make to my working life.
Remember, we’re all in this together. Share your experiences, tips, and support with other SMBCs. We’ve got this!